Moving On

The sound of paper being torn away from the thick calender indicate yet another day. The thickness of the calender is getting thinner due to the advancing days racing towards yet another new year. It has been more than half a year since I initiate counting the day that I broke off with my girlfriend. Is my feeling still echoing what I felt the exact day more than 6 months ago or have I moved on?

Everything in my mind now happens to be in a blur, the reasons that we broke off is all but lost in my distant memories. Speckled memories retain and it sort of supplanted the reason why I decided to call it quits after dating for more than a year. I had known her for many more years prior to being linked romantically and emotionally towards her. It's funny that bad memories tend to lapse into the unknown once time plays its role on diluting the anger and the feeling at the heat of the moment. The sarcastic retort and sardonic display of anger and verbal lashings tend to loose all it's significance with the onslaught of time. I will not go into specifics and I reckon it's immaterial at the present moment.

It has been half a year and what is my current state of mind? Have I moved and carry on with my life? I think not. I am still having some flashbacks of the happier times when we shared together. It's comical what fate plays it's hands on mortals like me. At that time the best thing that I could think off was to break it off, but now, after having some time to actually cool off and rearrange my thoughts, it doesn't feel like what I did is even remotely right.

But there is a limit what a bloke like me can do. Did I regret and feel remorseful? I don't actually have a clear cut answer or one with a resounding yes. It's true that I miss my ex, it's even truer that I really loved and still harbour this intense feeling for her but I reckon splitting up would be for the better. There are too many variables as well as too many that made me arrive to this conclusion. We didn't have any communication and trust and I surmise this is actually the cause of the fallout.

If and if given another chance, what would I do? I think this will only be answered in time. Meanwhile I am on my journey to move on. As mention by Neil Armstrong, "One small step is one giant leap for mankind". My small step would hopefully free me from the shackles of my ex. Will I reach the finishing line and will I be completely free? Only time will tell.

Who am I?

Who am I? I have been asking myself the same question since time immemorial. I had a feeling of deja-vu many a times when I was a kid and the deja-vu seems to be occuring ever so frequent recently. It continously surfaced in my mind, like a broken record, and it keeps repeating the same thing on and on and on. It's driving me nuts. Who exactly is me? Who am I, or who I am?

I am someone's son, brother, uncle and grand uncle,
I am someone that is writing this blog,
I am someone with nothing more to do than write,
I am someone's friend,
I am someone's enemy,
I am someone that you used to love,
I am someone that you now hate,
I am someone who was young,
I am someone that is getting older by the day,
I am someone who want to settle down,
I am someone who couldn't afford settle down,
I am someone who is charitable,
I am someone who can be a pain in the a**,
I am someone who is friendly,
I am someone who could be nasty,
I am someone who doesn't like to be hurt,
I am someone who hurts a lot of people,
I am someone who is opinionated,
I am someone who is at times clueless,
I am someone who is happy,
I am someone who is sad,

But most of all, I will never change that someone that I am for anything in the world, for I am what I am, a certain someone, I am I, and so who are you?

Growing up

A word that has long deserted an adult like me, innocence doesn't usually play a prominent role in my greater scheme of things; my mind, typical for an adult, are always occupied and preoccupied with my predicaments, be it business, family, relationship, inflation, health and many more. Something, something happened that made me reflect and recall about when I was a young toddler, naive, bubbly, playful and yes, innocent. A child is like a white piece of paper that has neither any scribblings nor any writings on it, the paper being a metaphor for our innocence. With time, this paper will be filled with bright colourful colours that will shape our minds into a person that we would be when we accend the mantle of adulthood.

I began reminiscing about this when I noticed younger children now becoming ever increasing violent, contributing greatly to social ills. Cases like rapes, fights, murder, robbery and indulging in drugs usage are more rampant nowadays. It dawned to me that the majority of kids are more precocious as compared to when I was one and they tend to loose their innocence very early in life. Why is it so? Maybe with the advent of computer games and interactive multimedias, children doesn't go through the natural process of growing up. Violence are abundant in the mass media, information technology is available freely, volumes upon volumes of overly graphic films and documentaries are available in the idiot box with only a single sentence of disclaimer stating, "Due to the graphic nature of this programe, viewer descretion is advised". How do kids being a piece of white paper decide what is right and what is wrong? How do they avoid getting splashed with colours other than black and dark colours?


I remembered when I was young everything is well defined, and crystal clear, things are either black or white and we could easily differentiate between what is right and what is wrong. In stark contrast to what is happening in this present world, things are no longer clear cut. It's at most time, grey and as such difficult to differentiate. We have programes glorifying mobs and gangsters, movies that shows that evils truimping over good and many more negativity that is drilled into the minds of innocent children. When we have negativities like that, what can we expect from our children?

But how do we solve a problem as complexs as this? If I am a parent, I will ask myself the same question. What would I do? What things that I can do to prevent this from ever happening to my flesh and blood? Would a clamp down on all modes of medias be a good precedent to prevent the precocious loss of innocence? Would enforcing strict guidelines and sending children earlier to school a good move to prevent them from learning bad things? I think not. It would be prudent to be selective about the programes the children are allowed to watch and the most important, the explanation as well as education and advice to them. I feel children should be allowed to grow at their own pace and not being forced to grow faster. I am sure as hell won't force my kid to grow up that fast. Innocence should be lost gradually and not robbed away.

smile

When one is down and feeling completely out of tune with life and its surroundings, what naturally comes into the mind is nothing seems to be going well. Why is life so full of miseries and unpleasantness? Why is it that bad things seems to be attracted to one like flies to the hot bulb? But upon seeing a sweet smile from a familiar person or someone who is not known like a passer by on a street, the burden of feeling bogged down with problems and predicaments immediately goes away. Why is smile so important? I reckon it has the miraculous effect of lightening one's foul moods. As far as I am concerned if I am not in a good temperament, a smile usually is a precedent to make me feel better.

Excerpts are from a song that I remembered from the older days,

A smile is such a wonderful thing,
It lightens up your face
And when you frown u'll never find
It's secret hiding place
And far more wonderful it is
To see what smile can do
You smile at one, she smiles at you
And so one smile makes two!

Well this song has been playing on and on in my mind these past few days. I reckon seeing someone smiling at me, be it young or old, male or female, beautiful or not, is immaterial, it always tend to elicit a reaction in me to instinctively smile back. I love smiling, it helps to keep my wrinkles away from my face. If I recall correctly ( and if my anatomy is still intact) smiling only involves 2 facial muscles, orbicularis oris and the messeter muscles where else frowning and anger involves many more than that! So in order to prevent wrinkles from developing, smiling is the best anti aging therapy available! So whoever you are, and if u are reading this, please do remember to start smiling and hopefully this will brighten and lighten the moods of the people around you, smile and the whole world smiles back! :)

A Prayer

As the basking warmth of the sun shine through the gap in the curtains, I cannot help but felt a sense of a positive surge of energy and enthusiam. What better way to wake up, if not by it's warm caresses of the very symbol of positivity.

A prayer

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A prayer for those that has been wronged

A prayer for those that hasn't

A prayer for those that have been hurt

A prayer for those that haven't.

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And much more with the obscure

A prayer to the ones that I've hurt

Although past present or future

A penitent without revert.

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A prayer to the Almighty

A prayer for which fate that be

A humble request for blessing from Thee

All around for everybeing and me.

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May all beings be well and happy.

I sincerely hope and pray that whoever and whatever that I have advertently or inadvertently wronged, hurt, annoyed be it past, present or in the future, I unequivocally beg for forgiveness and mercy, I hope and pray that whichever faith that you may be in, I pray to GOD Almighty to bless everyone and every living being in this ecosystem. May every living creature of GOD be well and happy.

The Word

The meaning of this word has been made known since the dawn of humans, long before the first hominids roam the earth and from that day onwards it has been grunted, uttered, hailed, shouted and most recently whispered. How can a particular word transcend politics and nationalistic boundries, cultural differences, religion, race, creed, colour and age to be one of the most spoken 4 letter word in this world? I am not referring to the colloquail that is most commonly spoken in the majority of teenagers. I am refering to the more intense, more affectionate, more appropriate and meaningful word,..... LOVE.

What exactly is love? Why is it easy for some people to attain and impossible for some? It has been a grunted from the primitive and long lost tongues to the modern language of the internet and the cyber age. Even JRR Tolkien has a word for in Elvish, the language of immortals! Love in English, cinta in Malay, Ai in Mandarin, Rak in Thai, amour in French and multiple other languages that are too many to even describe. The lists goes on and on. It's the most widely used word in the world. I think this is truely an international word, there is even an sign dedicated to it, not to mention a symbol that is attributed to it and it alone. There are ballads, poems, plays, movies, masterpiece compositions and beautiful artwork dedicated to the propagation of this sacred word. What intrigues me is what is this word made off?

A simple L-O-V-E could have so many meanings. Love as a noun means a very strong and intense tender affection and compassion, with different inference from different facets of life, be it a mother to child, love between 2 complete strangers, love between a husband and wife, love between family members and love between friends and my personal favourite, love between dating couples. Love can also be a verb, but it still hold true to the intense feeling that is associated with it. Ah...... to be in love, feels like heaven and to be out of it feels like hell. This intense feeling cannot be aptly describe by words, it needs to be experienced.

Essentially If we were to analyse it on the scientific level, it's nothing but genes and hormones and yet, science cannot even began to explain the exact chemical reaction that explains what makes someone falls head over heels in love and yet, hate some one equally after the fallout? Can religions and divinity explains this? It was even suggested in da Vincci's Code that Mary Magdalene was infact The Holy Son's lover and they had a lineage that carry the fruits of their love. This is blasphemous but is there even a remote possibilty of the existence? It's anyone's guess.

I reckon the most important thing is to believe in the word, it may be elusive but with this believe there will be hope, and to all the people that hasn't found the bliss and meaning of this word, I dedicate this word to all of you, may you be blessed with love and the love(s) of the people around you. Miracle do happen and it will come,.... in time. I truly believe this and I am holding steadfast to my believe that it will eventually come. Love is definately all around!

Me, a blogger?

Huh? what is that? I have been writing nothing particularly interesting and I wonder if I am a blogger? What blogger? Me? I wonder what is the essential ingredient to being a good blogger? I have been spending lots of times browsing other peoples' blog pages and it occured to me that blogging basically underscores something very important, which is the freedom of expression and freedom to do whatever one fancies, that is, if it keeps within the confines of the law.

I had come across blogs that are emotionally charged, passionate to a particular cause; blogs which has nothing more that bantering (like mine); Blogs that contains nothing more than expletives, profanities and more expletives; hatred infused blogs; peotry blogs; blogs with pictures, blog without picture; blog as a medium of vanity, blogs that review movies, books, eatery places and blogs that basically plagarise from other people's creative writings. I find blogging as an outlet for people that hasn't much to do apart from exercising our intricate finger musculatures and pouring our creativity into the keyboard.

I have been writing nondescriptly for sometime in my blog, as I take it as an outlet to pour my sorrows, my thoughts, my predicament as well as my continous pining for the elusive person. Have it done me justice by alleviating my present state of mind? I reckon it had. I used to be totally uncontrollably fiesty and rebellious and tend to take it out on the people around me, but with the advent of blogging in my part, my temper has sort of fizzled out for the most part.

As I continue blogging into my 5th month, would I continue with the incessant ramblings and bit*hing about myself? I think not, I hope and pray that I will grow out of my initial mould and grow to blog about something more substantial, more interesting and something that will be on par with some of the blogs that I read and admire, something that will influence another person who is like minded to start writing and hopefully continue the tradition of blogging. May the blog be with you!

Feeling Old

Taking a cue from John Scalzi's exceptional and highly absorbing Being Poor and the wonderful adaptation by Minishorts in her Being Malaysian, I cannot stop but felt compelled and the urge to start with something that I hold firmly in my heart, and I have to incorporate Feeling Old into my blog. I find this a true calling of sorts.

As I advance into the next phase of my life, when a chapter closes another chapter starts taking over, this is the grey zone that I currently find myself in. I am taking some creative cue and instead of being, change it into feeling!

Feeling old is waking up earlier than u wanted
Feeling old is never needing another alarm clock to wake up to
Feeling old is waking and feeling aches all over when the eyes open
Feeling old is a lot of chills when the feet touches the cold floor

Feeling old is having to brush your dentures before brushing the remaining teeth that u still have
Feeling old having to stand in front of the potty for more than 5 minutes until the first drop starts trickling
Feeling old is to notice more and more grey hair
Feeing old is noticing more hairs in the comb and less hair in the scalp

Feeling old is needing less hair cream as there is nothing to cream it on
Feeling old having to wear loose fitting and dull coloured clothes
Feeling old is noticing ur upper body developing sagging breasts
Feeling old is to being greeted "Morning Uncle" by beautiful girls

Feeling old is the need to have caffeinated coffee before starting your day
Feeling old is when your relatively inccesantly ask the question of when am I getting married
Feeling old is when your friends keep saying that this is going to be the last year they are going me the angpow
Feeling old is having your friend's kid calling me godfather

Feeling old is when everyone around give me a dirty look when I go for a movie with a female
Feeling old is when the bill automatically comes to me when someone asks for it
Feeling old is when someone asks how many properties do I own
Feeling old is when we notice the clothes that we wear are no longer in fashion

Feeling old is when the singers that we listen to is Eagles instead Usher or Akon
Feeling old is that the best footballer in the world is Pele and not Beckham or Ronaldo
Feeling old is hating loud techno music and listening to singers like Laura Fygi
Feeling old is feeling that discos and clubs are too noisy

Feeling old is using words like bro and dude and thinking it's cool
Feeling old is wondering that words like tHiS tHiNgY is sOoO supposed to be cool
Feeling old is not being able to eat any food we want as tasty food contain too much cholesterol!

Feeling old is having a blog with nothing better to do other than bit*h about being old!

Light

It's been a long time since languishing in agony, the agony and the unpleasantries of life, my life. I have been in the doldrums for one day too many and I promise myself that I will need to snap out of my despair. Some one commented on why I am always feeling down, feeling blue and feeling abandoned. I think despite my many and recurrent jottings about my depair and my emotional rollercoaster life, I am feeling optimistic that happiness is but just a short throw away.

The dark cloud that had persistently hung over my shoulders, casting its' heavy and dark silhouette on my life is slowly begining to fade away. Shining through the small openings are bright lights, sunny and warm, filling and basking me mentally and emotionally. I have been waiting for this occasion for a very long time and although this wait has been very long, it's finally bearing fruits.

The emotional baggage that I have been carrying for so long is finally lightening. The amount of time that I had spend groping and trying to find a way out from my depressive state is now nearing it's end. I have been indulging myself in guilt and self doubt for too long, the whole time causing unpleasantness to the people around me. As I inch my way towards the source of the light, I can sense a feeling of euphoria and excitement as my difficult journey is nearing it's pinnacle. I can finally see light at the end of this long tunnel.

Age

After re-reading my post yesterday, it suddenly dawned upon to me that age is really catching up. I could still vividly remember my adolescent days when I can continously play and have fun without a care of what is happening in the world. I reminiscent about my bravado of climbing tress, playing with self made toys, cherry guns twirled with so many elastic bands, constructing kites from bamboo strips with the mandatory crushing and powdering broken glasses and bulbs inorder to "coat" the strings that flies the kites. All the innocent childhood has passed on and what has replaced and overtook the naive, over enthusiastic and eager kid is now an old man.

The continous subtle and indirect messages indicating that I am old is hitting me like a speeding locomotive. It has finally sunked in that I am OLD! I am no longer that young, vibrant, carefree and naive boy anymore. If I am lucky to live up till 60, I have actually crossed the halfway mark. It has bruised my confidence and dampen my spirits. My believe that I am still in the market to find a counterpart had shattered into smithereens reminding me of the many bulbs that I had crushed earlier when I was a kid. The adage of wisemen that says "Wine tastes better as they age" is no longer comforting words for me. Its' feel good maxim to pacify and allay old people like me to divert our attention to what the actual issue is not good enough anymore. Time wait for no one and me, being old now, has already missed the boat.

No more laughter and shrieks of joy is going to accompany me as I move and advance into my fourties. I am an old man now with nothing to offer and ziltch to look forward to. I am like a spent shell, waiting for my time to come. I feel positively ancient and perhaps if I was something of value, things might be so different now. Am I feeling sorry for myself? Nyet, nay, none, I don't think so. I am just frustrated that I haven't made the right decision when faced with so many possibilities and options the last time. Have I missed the boat to be blissfully married and attached with a person that I can share my life with? Fact is, the rate that things are continuosly whizzing pass me, it seems likely that I have to resign to the fate of being alone for the rest of my miserable existence.

I feel like a small boy trying to cross the road full with onrushing traffic, without a clue as to what is on the other side. I had been overly cautious not to hurt and be hurt in the process and it would seem that it's highly improbable for me to cross now. That boy had turn into an old man, and he is still unable to cross . Maybe this road is not meant to be crossed by me?

Time

The nimble hands moves progressively every passing moment, it has been engineered to perfection to advance and move precisely at a given interval and like clockwork the ticking and progressive movement of the second hand point to the exact quantum- second of the day. What exactly is time? Why is everything regarding time so important? Why doesn't it wait for anyone?

I have been in this world for 34.83 years or 417.96 months or 12,721.657 days or 305319.76 hours or 18319185 minutes or multiplied by another 60 second in seconds. That was a few mins ago, as I am writing it, the seconds passed, and my youth is slowly being ebbed little by little. I could only get older, greyer, wrinkler and less strong only with passing time. What can I do to better my situation, to change what had I achieve so far, to halt the progression and the ravishes of this four letter word?

I reflect of the amount of time given to me in this place and it dawned upon to me that how little I have achieve over the span of 18319185 minutes. I had been given 34.83 years to prove myself and sad to say, have nothing much to show other than a run down place I conduct my business. I haven't achieve anything significant over the years and it occured to me that when Mozart was my age, he would have been dead for more than a decade! Imagine being drawn parellel with this maestro. I pale in comparison and have nothing to offer, nothing to give as well as no glorious reputation to bask in.

I need to make something happen with the little remaining time that I have left. I need to make a difference but where should I start? Can't I turn back the time and reverse the effects of it? Those wishful thoughts will be the best possible solution, teleporting me to when I was a baby, crying and ranting; choosing to be born to a more affluent family; Maybe Royalty? Or when I was in school, whereby I should be matured enough not to spend all my time playing useless games choosing instead to concentrate more on my studies? Or when I was in my teens, to focus my creative juices and time on inventing some business propositions and plans rather than wasting time fantasizing about beautiful Japanese actresses and singers, or even the Ah Lian next door? Or prior to entering Med school where I can choose some different discipline rather than medicine! How I wish this is a viable solution and option to all my woes. It would then be so much easier. I would also not make the mistake of being a bachelor. Definately not choose to break off.

But back to reality, since things cannot be unchanged, I have to look forward and make the best time has to offer and to make the remaining time worthwhile of all my sacrifices. I need make do with what I have and focus on getting what is possible. I want to be happy. In the meantime, the second hand is continously ticking, it's no longer 18319185 minutes anymore, it has since changed to 18319200 minutes and counting. Like what they say, time waits for no one.

The One?

Is there such a thing as the "ONE"? The whole of last month happens to be one of the worst period of the year and hence there isn't many celebrations especially matrimonial ones. With stark contrasts with that, this month, being August and synonymous with prosperity, the numbers of wedding receptions and nuptials are numerous and many. Many want to jump into the bandwagon to get hitched. Young couples are taking the plunge and settling down with each which invaribly stroke my curiosity about marriage. Is there such a thing as the "ONE". I always wonder if getting married and settling down is as easy as just merely taking an oath and pledging to love the other party in sickness and health, for richer and for poorer, and for all eternity, ending with a time honoured "I do"? Is everything as simple as this two words?

I have noticed that many people nowadays get married for the wrong reasons. Many, especially the younger, early twenties get married due to the fact that there wasn't any "protection" which results in unwanted pregnancies. Is getting married and settling down with a sexual partner due to pregnancy the right decision to make? I am not sure sure the sacred union of marriage can be based, signed sealed and delivered, due to an unwanted pregnancy. Is the marriage based on love and affection or merely uncontrollable lust? Is getting married because of pregnancy morally right due to mere responsibilities? I think not. I think this is the worst possible reason and excuse to be married. I am sure that this is not ever going to be the "ONE".

As much as a raving lunatic that I am, I had long held the idea that people get married when there is actual love, and without this basic ingredient, a relationship doesn't lasts. I may have a fixed idea about this and because of this, I find it difficult to achieve. I have no idea of knowing how to locate and zoom in on the "ONE". Gone were the traditional belief that everyone is predestined to meet and fall in love with a person, and this holy union is fixed in the celestial level, for me, if there's any divine influence, things would be much simpler. If there is, isn't it easier to just know about it and settle the whole issue? No time wasted on going for boring and unproductive dates! Damn! imagine the efficiency of the matrimonial union, 100% no rejection eh?

It always linger in my mind that what makes these young couples know that the person that they are going to marry is the "ONE"? Perhaps things for them are in overdrive and whatever happens, so be it? Maybe my concern and believe is making this simple issue, something more complexs and difficult than it actually is? For what its' worth, I wonder when fate do conjure in front of me, what prompts and hints would I get? Maybe divine intervention is in the works?

Ugly Malaysians-2

I actually didn't want to be a pain in the ass and to continue harping about the ugly side of being a Malaysian. I too, am one and I used to be proud of my heritage and my allegiance but recently many setbacks and experiences made me think overwise. Perhaps my expectations as a fellow Malaysian is a bit too high for the general population? Which ever way it is I think my high expectations is making me more meticulous, more judgemental and less forgiving than normal.

I attended a wedding reception which is supposed to start at 7pm sharp. I would assume that being intimated by the organisers about the appropriate time to come and then settle down in their respective seats, the banquet or dinner would commence latest by 7.30pm. I couldn't be more wrong. I know it's the norm for dinners to start a little late but NOT as late as I would have ever anticipate. We started at a little over 9.15pm. Why does it need to be like that? Why does the attendees not able to respect the hosts? I reckon this is the ultimate spat on the face.

Why is it that fellow Malaysians not respectful to the organisers by being prompt for a change? Is it a bravado to be fashionably late to a function and let many people wait for u? Is there no common sense prevailing in the minds of this individuals? If I get my way, I would give them my 2 cents worth of opinion. I would rattle my heart out and give them a piece of my mind. I don't think that the state of traffic congestion should be an excuse for being late, I also don't think that the rediculous excuse about leaving work late should be even mentioned. I reckon if a invitee respects the hosts enough, they should manage their time more appropriately.

I know something now. If I were to be blessed enough to settle down with someone, a wedding reception whereby we don't know more than 70% of the attendees, and more than half being late; I will opt for not to have a reception, instead a honeymoon will be more appropriate in my mind. Even if forced upon me to have a reception, I will strictly start at the stipulated time. I am unwavering as my integrity in this sense.

Weekend Sydrome

The eve of a weekend, Friday is always a good day for me, not because of having lots of patients or my business is doing exceptionally well, that's actually immaterial. I think the gravitational pull of not having to wake up so early for work and having the only day that I can be left to my own devices is motivation enough for me to be happy. It's always exhillarating to know that I don't have to wake up at 7am tomorrow, well, this is the only thing that I look forward to in my uneventful life. I think being a simple person, this is the only luxury that I can afford.

What plans do I have over the weekend? Hmm, until now, plans are,.... nothing, unless if u consider having to attend a relative's wedding reception is something to look forward to. As for me this is something that I absolutely loathe and to think there will be boundless questionings about when will it be my time? I have tried avoiding this unpleasant topic for a very long time, deflecting the relentless and neverending queries about my present bachelor status. I have consequently run out of excuses and it's really trying on my creativeness. So what will I think of next? I wonder?

Why is it that when a person reaches a certain age group, it's mandatory and expected that we get hitched and married? What happen to being independant and living our life as we want? I have had numerous questions and interrogation about what I plan to do with my life, not in terms of career but in terms of settling down with someone. I was even queried about my sexual orientation by many people including my siblings and relatives. Do I look gay? I am straight unless someone can force me to consider otherwise. Man! I like women and there is no way that I am changing this orientation. Just that I haven't the luxury of time and opportunity to meet the one that I can grow old with. So why can't they bloody leave me alone? The very thought of having to re- entertain these questions is putting me off already. Perhaps I should just snare someone on the street and get it over with?

I think I have set too high a standard for myself. I always belief in the sanctity of union, and it should be with someone that we truly and unequivocally loved and being loved. This is the most difficult part, looking for someone, at the rate that everyone including me is going, it's going to take a miracle for this to happen. But nonetheless I am still hopeful. For the meantime, I wonder what excuses can I come out with? Hmmmmmm.......

Ugly Malaysians-1

The early hours of the morning, with the sun just rising on the horizon, all in all a pleasant and a serene enviroment to wake up to, I wake up feeling like snow white minus the chirping of the birds and the ever so cute deer and it's doe. I start up my early morning driving to work and what happen? The jam, ever woeful jam that is so prominent in our society. I noticed that at the junction cars are not giving the right of way even when the lights says green! Why is it like that? Ever thought that as much as we think so highly of ourselves, having at one time the tallest building in the world and we are as undeveloped mentally as a third world country? Why is social decay so prominent in our communities as well as our country as a whole?

We may be one of the foremost developing countries in the world. We boast of having state of the art airport - The KLIA, The tallest Twin Towers in the world- The Petronas KLCC Towers, the 3rd longest bridge in Asia - The Penang Bridge, and it's surprising to see that the moral development is loosing out to less developed countries like Laos and Sri Lanka. Why is that so? Recent media blitz advocate courtesy and morality but as it is I think it's not getting the message across. In trains and mass transits, the places reserved for old and disabled people will be invariably taken by able bodies young people, it pains to see the our kids not knowing the simple manners of courtesy and abiding the law. It's painful to see things like this happening, but I cannot blame the younger age groups. I think this lack of sensibility does not stop to this particular age, in fact it extends and permeates into the very fabric of out society, from young to old, Who is to blame when even their parents are doing the same thing?

Coming to the incident this morning, cars are blocking up the movement of the other side of the road simply because of selfishness and lack of moral integrity, Just to save a few minutes, they would stuck up the whole traffic flow and many I noticed are females, motherly ones. Are they in such a rush that it's immaterial if they block the whole road? I think if it's me, I would be so ashame of myself. I think somewhere along the line, someone should do something about it. If parents can do that and flout the law so rampantly and so oblivious to other people's discomfort, what more can we expect from their children?

Puttoo Mahyam

This name has sort of been erased from my memory for a good number of years but recently this difficult to pronounced 2 little words has miraculously been resurrected. I could still vividly remember how it looks. It has been a long time since I hold it nimbly in my hands, trying to caress it deftly with some sweet brownish shearings and coconut flakes to accompany it. I am yearning for another taste of this but I haven't been seeing it around for a good number of years. I wonder how would it feels like to twirl this mixture into my tongue and to be reminded of how life used to be? Why has this local delight been phased out by the more common and popular deserts like ice-cream and cakes?

I remember in my younger days I always wait for the indian uncle that sells this unique desert to come to my place, with the mandatory hollering. I will wait eagerly for the old uncle to come in his cycle and wait for the honking sounds from the black coloured bladder horn that give a distinctive bellow when it's pressed. It is something that the younger people nowadays never had an opportunity to experience. It's sad that this unique desert has lost it's standing in the modern world.

It always intrique me why something as special as this desert and it's unique taste is no longer available in our country? I think this is basically due to the onslaught of advertising and the blind acceptance of things imported, like Starbucks and all the deserts that is supposedly much nicer, mudcakes, tiramisu and what not, scones?

I think "putto mahyam" embodies more than just being a desert, it's an icon that has lost it's uniqueness to globalisation. The very fabric of what life used to be is currently splintered into what it is now due to the influx of westernised ideas and way of doing things. Traditional businesses and way of life is slowly being etched into the annals of history by the so called globalisation drive.

Meanwhile, this desert will still linger in my mind and my taste buds for years to come, I wonder when I will have another attempt to caress it again?

A New Begining?

Someone I know commented that I haven't been writing in my blog since the begining of September. I think since it's the begining of a new month, I am praying for a new begining. I haven't been diligently writing in my blog as I am busy having to rearrange my life. I am proud to say that I am in the right path and hopefully as the topic suggest, would be a new begining. Many things have happen and I am still struggling with having to cope with doing everything alone.

Hmm, anything interesting that is happening to me? As far as I know things are pretty similar like any other previous days. No extraordinary experiences and I find this rather "monotonous". At times I wish I am one of the suave and savvy swashbuckler like Carey Grant only I hope to be even more debonair than him. I always wonder what does it feel like being one of the leading man in Hollywood with so many shrieking females screaming and falling head over heels in love with? I reckon if I were thrust into this role, I would still be clueless as how best to live my life. I think many people doesn't have a clear perspectives as to how to act or react at times. I am no different. I have my objectives in life like anyone but sometimes along the way people do actually loose their bearings and their perspectives.

What are my dreams and aims in life? Well apart from the obvious paper and money trail, I, like many mere mortal, want to be happy; and able to indulge what that naturally makes us happy, also to share our lives with someone that we think is worth all our sacrifices. This is something that I find the most difficult part in the whole equation. I think finding a person that we can grow old with is not easy, heck I think it's next to impossible. Could I actually grow old with someone? Being with someone for so many years and loving that person when she is all wrinkly, haggard and flabby? This I reckon is the ultimate test. The ultimate test of love and affection. Many people had taken the test and many had flunked it, figures indicate that as many as 1in 4 newly wed in Malaysia ends in splitsville. I don't know if I can pass the test, but I sure hope to be given a chance to take this exam.