Age

After re-reading my post yesterday, it suddenly dawned upon to me that age is really catching up. I could still vividly remember my adolescent days when I can continously play and have fun without a care of what is happening in the world. I reminiscent about my bravado of climbing tress, playing with self made toys, cherry guns twirled with so many elastic bands, constructing kites from bamboo strips with the mandatory crushing and powdering broken glasses and bulbs inorder to "coat" the strings that flies the kites. All the innocent childhood has passed on and what has replaced and overtook the naive, over enthusiastic and eager kid is now an old man.

The continous subtle and indirect messages indicating that I am old is hitting me like a speeding locomotive. It has finally sunked in that I am OLD! I am no longer that young, vibrant, carefree and naive boy anymore. If I am lucky to live up till 60, I have actually crossed the halfway mark. It has bruised my confidence and dampen my spirits. My believe that I am still in the market to find a counterpart had shattered into smithereens reminding me of the many bulbs that I had crushed earlier when I was a kid. The adage of wisemen that says "Wine tastes better as they age" is no longer comforting words for me. Its' feel good maxim to pacify and allay old people like me to divert our attention to what the actual issue is not good enough anymore. Time wait for no one and me, being old now, has already missed the boat.

No more laughter and shrieks of joy is going to accompany me as I move and advance into my fourties. I am an old man now with nothing to offer and ziltch to look forward to. I am like a spent shell, waiting for my time to come. I feel positively ancient and perhaps if I was something of value, things might be so different now. Am I feeling sorry for myself? Nyet, nay, none, I don't think so. I am just frustrated that I haven't made the right decision when faced with so many possibilities and options the last time. Have I missed the boat to be blissfully married and attached with a person that I can share my life with? Fact is, the rate that things are continuosly whizzing pass me, it seems likely that I have to resign to the fate of being alone for the rest of my miserable existence.

I feel like a small boy trying to cross the road full with onrushing traffic, without a clue as to what is on the other side. I had been overly cautious not to hurt and be hurt in the process and it would seem that it's highly improbable for me to cross now. That boy had turn into an old man, and he is still unable to cross . Maybe this road is not meant to be crossed by me?