9.8.2005

A recipe for Happiness:-

Two heaped cups of Patience

One heartful of Love

Two handfuls of Generosity

One headful of Understanding

A dash of Humour

Sprinkle with Kindness

Add plenty of Faith and mix well

Spread ove a period of a lifetime

And serve to everyone you meet.

What a refreshing way of looking at happiness, I wonder which ingredient that I am lacking? I have been trying to look towards my inner self and to identify the areas that I am deficient in. Until now I can say that I haven't found it yet. I wonder if everything is as easy and straightforward as it is, this feelgood and estatic feeling that is so talked about is, in any way a mirage? An end point in the world full of hatred and misery?

Today is a very slow day, nothing much to do. I have more or less decided to equip my practice with an imaging device. I think the next thing to move on is to give my patients more options with more diagnostic tools. The least I could achieve is that more people will get to know about my practice. Exposure in our profession is something that we want but is legally bounded not to advertise. I wonder all the fuss about letting health care professionals advertise is permissible already? Hmm, need to keep myself updated in council policies.

I went for tea yesterday and came back to tuck into bed by 12midnight. I have been consistently sleeping at around this hour and it has more or less becoming a routine for me. I haven't slept well though, waking up on and off for reasons unknown to me. Perhaps the vivid and unpleasant dreams that I had interrupts my sleeping pattern? I recall dreaming about my ex, her life now with the things that she is experiencing and this is definately something that I cannot control. Wonder if something is happening to her? Sometimes dreams are so mystifying and I reckon my curiosity is getting the better of me. I always think that there is something about her that grips me, which kept me fidgiting with unease and self doubt. Perhaps the ingrained memory is so strong that I find moving on without her something that I cannot imagine? Perhaps I should get rid of all the things that reminds me of her? Chuck out all the things that have her memories in? Whatever it is I am trying not to think about her too much and when I do, I tend to feel lousy the whole day. Maybe the ingredient that I need to find here in order to achieve happiness is Love?

Sometimes I am curious if she really were to come back, what is my response? Would I still want her back? I think the answer to that is simple and straightforward, which I don't think should be made known. A trial separation is a good option for peoples who has actually grown apart from each other. Do u know that in this country alone, the divorce rate is 25%? Effectively making 1 in 4 matrimony ends with separation! High by Asian standards. This period is the best time to make separated couples think what is the basis of the relationship? Is there any foundation and anything that is worthwhile to make this relationship work? Was it based on love or just a union of convenience? If the relationship is true and from the heart, some soul searching will be the best therapy. It will actually make a person work harder and not take everything for granted in a relationship. I think it would be even better than a marriage counselor.

Meanwhile I am still searching for the elusive ingredient for happiness. I hope and pray that I would eventually find it in time. Just hope that I don't have to wait too long.