7.8.2005
As expected I woke up and felt that it's the end of the world. I feel totally miserable having to wake up when I couldn't sleep well the night before. But I have to prime myself and at least not be fashionably late for work again. As it is I was awake until about 3 am and finally managed to nod off after a long time. I was thinking about last time all over again, it's like a very bad record playing on and on in my mind, what had transpired between us, what had she done to me and vice versa. I reckon it's totally exhausting and very draining mentally. I cannot help but having flashes of our good times together. It's like a movie with the "monochromatic flashbacks". It keeps cropping up the places that we have been, the food that ate, the areas which we hang out, the intimate things that we had shared.
Reach my clinic at about 10 minutes to 9am and commence to open. Its now currently 8pm and I had a very busy morning but a relatively free afternoon and evening. I had a case of crush injury on his fingers which I had a tough time reconstructing the digits and a case of dog bite. Even domesticated dogs have a tendency to be vicious at times. I wonder if this is true even for the owners themselves? Who knows, it's alway said that the pets usually mirrors the owners, wonder if the owner is vicious as well? Haha. I had also a case that I did some stitching on friday evening where broken fragmant of glasses had lacerated his legs and today he had came for his appointment. The wound is perfectly well aligned and healing is without a hitch. I always pride myself with having very good recontructive skills and this is one of the instances that I could be proud of. This is a small boy of around 5 years and my, did I had a hard time just to do that procedure on him, while doing his dressing, he started squealing, shouting and crying so loudly that I cannot even hear myself think! Sometimes things like this just make my already bad day even worst! My god, I am totally wasted after doing this for him, How I wish I am on a holiday somewhere without a care for this world! I reckon at times like this, Daniel's Powter's song really hit the home run.
I had to make a trip home at noon to check on my mum and also to have some food, but as it is I had missed my breakfast and I sort of developed some gastric discomfort. I never used to have problems like this, but recently all the medical illness seems to be cropping on and off in me. Perhaps age is catching up on me? When I got back home, I had to reinsert my mum's catheter once again as she with her hands tied manage to find ways to free herself and destroyed the catheter. I reckon she is a regular Houdini. I have actually lost count on the number of times that I had insert the tube for her. I reckon I will have to do it for many more times or should I say, I don't mind doing for her for how many times that my mum may require it, I feel at least it means she will be with us longer.
I have heard a phrase that is somewhat intriging to me. "When God closes a window, he usually opens a door" which in a nutshell means the things which had happen and is revolving around us happen for a reason and it may not be a bad thing. We just need to look at the brighter side of things. It is such a meaningful phrase and I know as well as hope it is true. I have been looking forward towards something positive in my life for so long. I just want this wait to be fruitful and worthwhile, and also not too distant away. I always wonder if I can learn how to love anymore. Seriously I have been in and out of relationships so many times that I am too sceptical about the sanctity of love. Does it even exists? If you were to ask a person who is in love, perhaps he might answer you with a positive and resounding yes, but for me? It remains to be answered. The truth is that I am still very concerned about her and I still misses and loved her so. Why am I still harboring these feeling is beyond me, I surmise that I am the type that cling on to the past a bit more than usual and that I don't actually move on as easily as some other people. I might have put on a straight and brave face amongst my friend and family but seriously I am never in control. I still misses her and the fact remains that I still love her. I know that this is impossible but it still hurt like hell. I am holding on with the believe that time will heal my fragile heart and I would learn to believe in love and to fall in this improbable word once again.
Reach my clinic at about 10 minutes to 9am and commence to open. Its now currently 8pm and I had a very busy morning but a relatively free afternoon and evening. I had a case of crush injury on his fingers which I had a tough time reconstructing the digits and a case of dog bite. Even domesticated dogs have a tendency to be vicious at times. I wonder if this is true even for the owners themselves? Who knows, it's alway said that the pets usually mirrors the owners, wonder if the owner is vicious as well? Haha. I had also a case that I did some stitching on friday evening where broken fragmant of glasses had lacerated his legs and today he had came for his appointment. The wound is perfectly well aligned and healing is without a hitch. I always pride myself with having very good recontructive skills and this is one of the instances that I could be proud of. This is a small boy of around 5 years and my, did I had a hard time just to do that procedure on him, while doing his dressing, he started squealing, shouting and crying so loudly that I cannot even hear myself think! Sometimes things like this just make my already bad day even worst! My god, I am totally wasted after doing this for him, How I wish I am on a holiday somewhere without a care for this world! I reckon at times like this, Daniel's Powter's song really hit the home run.
I had to make a trip home at noon to check on my mum and also to have some food, but as it is I had missed my breakfast and I sort of developed some gastric discomfort. I never used to have problems like this, but recently all the medical illness seems to be cropping on and off in me. Perhaps age is catching up on me? When I got back home, I had to reinsert my mum's catheter once again as she with her hands tied manage to find ways to free herself and destroyed the catheter. I reckon she is a regular Houdini. I have actually lost count on the number of times that I had insert the tube for her. I reckon I will have to do it for many more times or should I say, I don't mind doing for her for how many times that my mum may require it, I feel at least it means she will be with us longer.
I have heard a phrase that is somewhat intriging to me. "When God closes a window, he usually opens a door" which in a nutshell means the things which had happen and is revolving around us happen for a reason and it may not be a bad thing. We just need to look at the brighter side of things. It is such a meaningful phrase and I know as well as hope it is true. I have been looking forward towards something positive in my life for so long. I just want this wait to be fruitful and worthwhile, and also not too distant away. I always wonder if I can learn how to love anymore. Seriously I have been in and out of relationships so many times that I am too sceptical about the sanctity of love. Does it even exists? If you were to ask a person who is in love, perhaps he might answer you with a positive and resounding yes, but for me? It remains to be answered. The truth is that I am still very concerned about her and I still misses and loved her so. Why am I still harboring these feeling is beyond me, I surmise that I am the type that cling on to the past a bit more than usual and that I don't actually move on as easily as some other people. I might have put on a straight and brave face amongst my friend and family but seriously I am never in control. I still misses her and the fact remains that I still love her. I know that this is impossible but it still hurt like hell. I am holding on with the believe that time will heal my fragile heart and I would learn to believe in love and to fall in this improbable word once again.
posted by mercuri2000 at
7:26 PM
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