20.8.2005
A saturday which happens to be my off day. I am currently in Starbucks which is totally unlike me, typing and also writing in this blog of mine. I am slowly living out of the "block" and I reckon it should be a good antecendent of things to come, hopefully. I have been here for the past 2 hours and having a late night yesterday I woke up at around 11am and the first thing that that struck my mind was why the heck my neck hurts so much? I think I have somehow twisted my neck muscles and this is why I am having numbness and tingling sensation on my left arm. Hmm, perhaps I should check my heart status as well, normally with some numbness and tingling sensation on the left arm and some other symptoms it usually points to something more grave. Hmm, I wonder?
i am supposed to go for tennis later today but seeing the change of events that has been unfolding, I think the "date" needs to be postponed. Don't want to aggravate the problems more than I already should, It's still paining like hell and I had taken some medication to reduce pain, perhaps I should really get my cardiac status checked. If I am down with a heart problem I reckon I will be on long term medication which I am totally uncomfortable with. Yeah, doctors aside, I am a person who dislike medications, unless I am so sick, I wouldn't want to touch any as I would prefer to tolerate the pain, at times I find my beliefs totally contradicting my training as a doctor but I think this is more of a preference.
The funny thing is that even when I am sick, the images of my ex still linger predominantly in my mind. The visuals have been "floating" in my mind constantly, which I may add is totally depressing and inappropriate. I understand that we had already broken off but it doesn't help to reduce the intensity the discomfort that I am undergoing. I am totally wasted when I think about her, and together with my neck ache, sort of make my off day even worst. I wonder if I am such a romantic constantly having to harp about my previous relationship woes, the only solution that I can think off is to find someone to replace her. I know this is totally unfair to the other party but I think in this case I need to be a bit selfish in order to tide me over her. I actually want to handle it myself and I suppose in time the frustration and the pain would be less but it has been close to half a year and I am still affected and I surmise that thesuffering is getting even more. I didn't know that I was so venerable emotionally until I met her, in this case I have totally lost my bearings and my priorities. How could I? A 35 year old professional and without a damn clue as to how to get over such a small blip in my life? I think my emotionally totally disgusting.
I noticed that I have been constantly harping on her, even in most of my previous blogs, I have written something about her. Does she even know that her grip on me is so strong? I reckon I also didn't expect that it was as strong as I initially imagined, but seriously it's ruining my life at the moment. I am lucky in the sense that I am having my own practice and don't work for another person, lest I get fired! I try my best to have an even temperament towards my staffs and my patient, but I reckon my staffs when they do something wrong, I would actually pounched on them, which is really unlike me, patient wise, I have yet to actually loose my temper and controlling is such a bitch, but until now I am happy to say that I am still able to. I wonder when I will totally break down and lash out at them? I really hope that my temperament will hold. I need to find other things to do, which is why I am currently focusing on reading and also investing. The first step is to occupy my time more on other things and then hopefully I would be fine.
i am supposed to go for tennis later today but seeing the change of events that has been unfolding, I think the "date" needs to be postponed. Don't want to aggravate the problems more than I already should, It's still paining like hell and I had taken some medication to reduce pain, perhaps I should really get my cardiac status checked. If I am down with a heart problem I reckon I will be on long term medication which I am totally uncomfortable with. Yeah, doctors aside, I am a person who dislike medications, unless I am so sick, I wouldn't want to touch any as I would prefer to tolerate the pain, at times I find my beliefs totally contradicting my training as a doctor but I think this is more of a preference.
The funny thing is that even when I am sick, the images of my ex still linger predominantly in my mind. The visuals have been "floating" in my mind constantly, which I may add is totally depressing and inappropriate. I understand that we had already broken off but it doesn't help to reduce the intensity the discomfort that I am undergoing. I am totally wasted when I think about her, and together with my neck ache, sort of make my off day even worst. I wonder if I am such a romantic constantly having to harp about my previous relationship woes, the only solution that I can think off is to find someone to replace her. I know this is totally unfair to the other party but I think in this case I need to be a bit selfish in order to tide me over her. I actually want to handle it myself and I suppose in time the frustration and the pain would be less but it has been close to half a year and I am still affected and I surmise that thesuffering is getting even more. I didn't know that I was so venerable emotionally until I met her, in this case I have totally lost my bearings and my priorities. How could I? A 35 year old professional and without a damn clue as to how to get over such a small blip in my life? I think my emotionally totally disgusting.
I noticed that I have been constantly harping on her, even in most of my previous blogs, I have written something about her. Does she even know that her grip on me is so strong? I reckon I also didn't expect that it was as strong as I initially imagined, but seriously it's ruining my life at the moment. I am lucky in the sense that I am having my own practice and don't work for another person, lest I get fired! I try my best to have an even temperament towards my staffs and my patient, but I reckon my staffs when they do something wrong, I would actually pounched on them, which is really unlike me, patient wise, I have yet to actually loose my temper and controlling is such a bitch, but until now I am happy to say that I am still able to. I wonder when I will totally break down and lash out at them? I really hope that my temperament will hold. I need to find other things to do, which is why I am currently focusing on reading and also investing. The first step is to occupy my time more on other things and then hopefully I would be fine.
posted by mercuri2000 at
4:05 PM
0 Comments:
Post a Comment
<< Home