9.7.2005
Today is the actual day that I am writing this blog, I am currently not working and in my hotel room in the administrative capital of Malaysia in Shangrila Hotel. I had come here for a conference and it is rather informative. I had met up with a couple of former college mates and they are doing pretty well compared to me. Most of them are married and came here with their spouse and children. I think I will elaborate how I feel later. Upon reaching this place (it was really difficult to find) I had checked in into the hotel and my this is really a beautiful place, very chic and very very nice. This I reckon is by far the most beautiful hotel that I had stayed in.
I attended the conference and I reckon there are lots of doctors that doesn't actually respect other fellow attendees. There are mobile going off and some even are talking behind the person that is giving out the lectures. I think the poor attitute of the people is not only confined to the lower economic as well as the lower educated people, but has sadly permeated into all fascia of the society. I wonder if even professionals can act like that, what will happen to their offsprings? I attended and I was rather bemused with some of the antics of the fellow attendees as well as the drug company employees. I think this is acceptable to everyone, but why not me? Perhaps I am a bit different from people like this?
Just the night before I took a long drive to one of the suburbs around and to shop in a hypermarket. I bought some basic clinic neccesities and also some beers. I reckon without this "beverage" I would have some hard time falling asleep. Anyway I end up driving around to look for an internet cafe place that my ex mention about around the area of the hypermart. Needless to say I was trying to bump into her. I don't know if I am turning into stalking? I reckon I wasn't actually stalking as I was driving around and evaluating the area for I have been reading about it alot on the local real estate forum. Anyway I didn't find that place and no, I didn't manage to find her car as well. I stop by a cafe and had a couple of beers to get me going, went home and slept by around 3am.
Back to the conference, as I was saying this is such a beautiful place and I sort of started remembering the good times that me and my ex had when we were attending conference, it's times like this that I feel the most blue. After the conference I went for a very long jog around this place and it was nice. At least I had some form of relaxation and exercise. I reckon this admistrative capital is so well organised but too far to benefit the average citizen. This is really a watse of public funds. I jogged for three quarters of an hour covering a mere 7kms, a far cry from my usual 15kms. But I reckon I should not push myself too much, I need to rush to work tomorrow from this place.
I attended the dinner invitation and felt totally out of place. I observed that most have families with them and I am the only person that attended this conference alone. I feel like a total looser. I had some food albeit not much, prefer to concentrate on getting some fibres instead of food filled with fats and proteins. I think even if I am feeling blue and depressed I would at least do my physical self a favour instead of abusing it futher with unhealthy foodstuffs. I reckon my daily onslaught of alcohol is doing some amount of damage already, but rest assured, I had my blood profile done and the results are first class. Due to the family members, the amout of food is invariably not enough, I had my portion and left early and here I am writing this blog. I am planning to have some beer in my room after this and perhaps go for another jog in the fitness club? The least I can do to at least take my mind out of my predicament.
I decided against going to the gym, perhaps it's because that I am feeling a bit tired and also I had some beers, I decided to rest and watch what is on TV, nothing much, just some programmes and lots of news pertaining to the horrific bomb blast in London. I bathe and had a warm soak in the oversized bathtub. It was filled with rejuvenating bath salts and I reckon this is the first time that I have had this experience. It sort of relieve my aching muscles and also relaxes my mind. I had a few more beers and started reading some magazines provided by the hotel. I noticed that there are lots of socialites and the only thing that they do is to socialise and mingle with high society. What a life!! I thought to myself that that isn't a bad thing to be involved with people like that. Even though it's a bit fake and totally devoid of any sincerity but I could do with some fakeness in my life. It only burns and drive me more to strive for something better. I am totally discontent with my life and I made a promise to myself, that is to better my situation and change my current lifestyle. I made a promise to move up in life, catching up on the rat race and also perhaps thrust myself into politics? I think this is the easiest way to get noticed and take an elevator ride to the top. Am I becoming too impatient? I plan to retire if not shorten my work time by the age of 40, 5 years from now. I promise to make time for my loved ones and for my gf if she do decide to give us a chance. I know it may be too late but I am still harbouring hope that she will reconsider. I always think that with arguments and making up, both parties will invariably benefit from understanding each other more. It's the ability to make things work that distinguish a relationship and makes it great. It's times like this alone in the hotel room that made me reflect whatever happen to my gf and me over the course of our courtship. The fact of the matter remains that I still deeply loved her, and something that she once wrote begin to ring in my ears. Remembering her actual words actually makes it even worse, she wrote a really meaningful and tender words that I will reproduce here:-
From the moment I knew you,
I wanted to meet you.
From the moment I saw you,
I wanted to know you more.
From the moment I knew you,
I was in LOVE with you.
From the moment I loved you,
I wanted to share my life with you.
And for that moment to this moment,
and for all the moment to come................
I will LOVE you with all my heart and soul.
I LOVE YOU DARLING,
I just want to tell her that I LOVE YOU TOO.
I attended the conference and I reckon there are lots of doctors that doesn't actually respect other fellow attendees. There are mobile going off and some even are talking behind the person that is giving out the lectures. I think the poor attitute of the people is not only confined to the lower economic as well as the lower educated people, but has sadly permeated into all fascia of the society. I wonder if even professionals can act like that, what will happen to their offsprings? I attended and I was rather bemused with some of the antics of the fellow attendees as well as the drug company employees. I think this is acceptable to everyone, but why not me? Perhaps I am a bit different from people like this?
Just the night before I took a long drive to one of the suburbs around and to shop in a hypermarket. I bought some basic clinic neccesities and also some beers. I reckon without this "beverage" I would have some hard time falling asleep. Anyway I end up driving around to look for an internet cafe place that my ex mention about around the area of the hypermart. Needless to say I was trying to bump into her. I don't know if I am turning into stalking? I reckon I wasn't actually stalking as I was driving around and evaluating the area for I have been reading about it alot on the local real estate forum. Anyway I didn't find that place and no, I didn't manage to find her car as well. I stop by a cafe and had a couple of beers to get me going, went home and slept by around 3am.
Back to the conference, as I was saying this is such a beautiful place and I sort of started remembering the good times that me and my ex had when we were attending conference, it's times like this that I feel the most blue. After the conference I went for a very long jog around this place and it was nice. At least I had some form of relaxation and exercise. I reckon this admistrative capital is so well organised but too far to benefit the average citizen. This is really a watse of public funds. I jogged for three quarters of an hour covering a mere 7kms, a far cry from my usual 15kms. But I reckon I should not push myself too much, I need to rush to work tomorrow from this place.
I attended the dinner invitation and felt totally out of place. I observed that most have families with them and I am the only person that attended this conference alone. I feel like a total looser. I had some food albeit not much, prefer to concentrate on getting some fibres instead of food filled with fats and proteins. I think even if I am feeling blue and depressed I would at least do my physical self a favour instead of abusing it futher with unhealthy foodstuffs. I reckon my daily onslaught of alcohol is doing some amount of damage already, but rest assured, I had my blood profile done and the results are first class. Due to the family members, the amout of food is invariably not enough, I had my portion and left early and here I am writing this blog. I am planning to have some beer in my room after this and perhaps go for another jog in the fitness club? The least I can do to at least take my mind out of my predicament.
I decided against going to the gym, perhaps it's because that I am feeling a bit tired and also I had some beers, I decided to rest and watch what is on TV, nothing much, just some programmes and lots of news pertaining to the horrific bomb blast in London. I bathe and had a warm soak in the oversized bathtub. It was filled with rejuvenating bath salts and I reckon this is the first time that I have had this experience. It sort of relieve my aching muscles and also relaxes my mind. I had a few more beers and started reading some magazines provided by the hotel. I noticed that there are lots of socialites and the only thing that they do is to socialise and mingle with high society. What a life!! I thought to myself that that isn't a bad thing to be involved with people like that. Even though it's a bit fake and totally devoid of any sincerity but I could do with some fakeness in my life. It only burns and drive me more to strive for something better. I am totally discontent with my life and I made a promise to myself, that is to better my situation and change my current lifestyle. I made a promise to move up in life, catching up on the rat race and also perhaps thrust myself into politics? I think this is the easiest way to get noticed and take an elevator ride to the top. Am I becoming too impatient? I plan to retire if not shorten my work time by the age of 40, 5 years from now. I promise to make time for my loved ones and for my gf if she do decide to give us a chance. I know it may be too late but I am still harbouring hope that she will reconsider. I always think that with arguments and making up, both parties will invariably benefit from understanding each other more. It's the ability to make things work that distinguish a relationship and makes it great. It's times like this alone in the hotel room that made me reflect whatever happen to my gf and me over the course of our courtship. The fact of the matter remains that I still deeply loved her, and something that she once wrote begin to ring in my ears. Remembering her actual words actually makes it even worse, she wrote a really meaningful and tender words that I will reproduce here:-
From the moment I knew you,
I wanted to meet you.
From the moment I saw you,
I wanted to know you more.
From the moment I knew you,
I was in LOVE with you.
From the moment I loved you,
I wanted to share my life with you.
And for that moment to this moment,
and for all the moment to come................
I will LOVE you with all my heart and soul.
I LOVE YOU DARLING,
I just want to tell her that I LOVE YOU TOO.
posted by mercuri2000 at
8:44 PM
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