4.7.2005
Well as what I had said yesterday, I am setting a new precedent here by writing one day after the actual day. Today is actually the 5th but I am writing about the 4th, sounds a bit weird though. Hmm, as per usual, I woke up dreading another day at work and then started out just like any monday morning, fill with blues as well as constantly thinking about my insignificant role in the greater scheme of things. I reckon in all my 35 years of miserable existence, what have I won in my life? Basically nothing! I am ranting about how insolent and inappropriate I have become, how little have I acheive. When I was brought up, I always thought that I have the ability to do something great, a far as my life is heading it seems this outlook was totally wrong.
I have my fair share of relationships, I wonder if I am so rigid until I am unable to function until I find the "perfect" one? I have a bevy of good girls and in fact I shouldn't be even single and complaining at all. Most have their shortcomings, but then again isn't all humans are? I might be getting a bit overboard in wanted to find the perfect "partner". I think I should be more down to earth and not be so picky, right?
Business today is not bad, I had a case of severe eczema and dermatitis who has been prescribed with systemic as well as strong topical steroids for the past 10 years! I plead with her to let a skin specialist see her in one of the Goverment Hospitals, but when I wanted to refer her by writing a referral, her husband suddenly scolded me and walked away! I reckon I am the only doctor who is actually genuinely concerned about her. If I merely wanted her money, it would more convenient for me to just give her a jab, prescribe some oral medication and some creams. I would tend earn money from there, but I reckon my consience took a major part as her case was beyond a GP's help. She simple need further management from the hospital. I couldn't understand why some people is so reluctant to believe the truth?
Work was pretty exhausting, perhaps because of my insomnia? I feel that I am sleeping less and less each day, alcohol helps but I don't want to be too dependant on that, furthermore I noticed when I drink, I will sleep for a good 3 hours only and then be awake. Perhaps my tolerance towards alcohol is growing? I think I have seen something like 15 patient today, not bad for the first day of the week. I am confident that my practice is improving and picking up. How I wish I can say that for my social life.
I went for tea at night and it was a welcome change from my routine of work, home, beer, sleep, work again. I am looking forward to the day that I don't have a problem like insomnia anymore. I feel I need to find someone who can share my life with me fast! Perhaps I am getting more and more inpatient with my life? Am I asking for too much at the current moment?
Talked to my friends and decided to change my life a bit. Will be more proactive and to get out more than to recoil and sit at home doing nothing. Tomorrow I would be playing baddie with my friends. I can hardly remember when was the last time I had used my badminton racket. I am sure it's covered with dust and also the tension of the strings might be totally off. But then again sweating a little beats indescriminate drinking, right? Also planned for tennis at least once a week, I reckon I would have to cut short my clinic timings by 30 mins to be able to make the time, not that I mind anyway.
I feel that writing something everyday helps me focus my mind on something constructive. I had read some of my earlier postings and at times I wonder how could I actually feel like that? It seems to be that having some memory about my actually feelings on the particular date actually is a good indication of my mental health.
I went to bed feeling somewhat looking forward to the baddy tomorrow and pray tomorrow will be a much better day and not think of my woes too much.
I have my fair share of relationships, I wonder if I am so rigid until I am unable to function until I find the "perfect" one? I have a bevy of good girls and in fact I shouldn't be even single and complaining at all. Most have their shortcomings, but then again isn't all humans are? I might be getting a bit overboard in wanted to find the perfect "partner". I think I should be more down to earth and not be so picky, right?
Business today is not bad, I had a case of severe eczema and dermatitis who has been prescribed with systemic as well as strong topical steroids for the past 10 years! I plead with her to let a skin specialist see her in one of the Goverment Hospitals, but when I wanted to refer her by writing a referral, her husband suddenly scolded me and walked away! I reckon I am the only doctor who is actually genuinely concerned about her. If I merely wanted her money, it would more convenient for me to just give her a jab, prescribe some oral medication and some creams. I would tend earn money from there, but I reckon my consience took a major part as her case was beyond a GP's help. She simple need further management from the hospital. I couldn't understand why some people is so reluctant to believe the truth?
Work was pretty exhausting, perhaps because of my insomnia? I feel that I am sleeping less and less each day, alcohol helps but I don't want to be too dependant on that, furthermore I noticed when I drink, I will sleep for a good 3 hours only and then be awake. Perhaps my tolerance towards alcohol is growing? I think I have seen something like 15 patient today, not bad for the first day of the week. I am confident that my practice is improving and picking up. How I wish I can say that for my social life.
I went for tea at night and it was a welcome change from my routine of work, home, beer, sleep, work again. I am looking forward to the day that I don't have a problem like insomnia anymore. I feel I need to find someone who can share my life with me fast! Perhaps I am getting more and more inpatient with my life? Am I asking for too much at the current moment?
Talked to my friends and decided to change my life a bit. Will be more proactive and to get out more than to recoil and sit at home doing nothing. Tomorrow I would be playing baddie with my friends. I can hardly remember when was the last time I had used my badminton racket. I am sure it's covered with dust and also the tension of the strings might be totally off. But then again sweating a little beats indescriminate drinking, right? Also planned for tennis at least once a week, I reckon I would have to cut short my clinic timings by 30 mins to be able to make the time, not that I mind anyway.
I feel that writing something everyday helps me focus my mind on something constructive. I had read some of my earlier postings and at times I wonder how could I actually feel like that? It seems to be that having some memory about my actually feelings on the particular date actually is a good indication of my mental health.
I went to bed feeling somewhat looking forward to the baddy tomorrow and pray tomorrow will be a much better day and not think of my woes too much.
posted by mercuri2000 at
1:11 PM
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