6.7.2005
It's another new day and the sun is shining ever so brightly. Went to work as per usual and the routine is like clock work, I reckon locating my practice near to my home is pretty shrewd in my part as I save a lot of time travelling to and fro from work. I usually take around 10mins drive from my home to my clinic as compared to 45 to an hour to my previous location.
Work is the same, day in day out with more or less consistent number of patients. I had a drug salesman that came to visit me and asked me to help regarding some small medical ailments. He twisted his back and wanted a day off. I issued him sick leave and we ended up having some small talk. He is 32 and a part time model. He is a bit beefed up in my opinion and is tall, handsome and has a pretty cheerful personality. He had just gone for a modelling shoot for a departmental store catalog and for a good 3 hours work, was paid 400 bucks! Not bad for a 3 hour work. Comparatively we as medical doctors will only be paid a mere 30bucks an hour. At times I wonder what is the virtue of studying so hard to be a medical professional? If I have the neccesary looks and physique, I too will have a comfortable income and by that time my resposibilities will be so minimal, hence having less stress. Why wasn't I born with dashing looks, the height and the complexion that women would swoon over with? In reality this is but a mere fantasy as neither I have all the qualities nor even come close to them. I am the exact opposite. Some people have strong physical attributes and is gifted and talented in sports, Roger Federer for example, and he is already made so many millions already!
The drug salesman will be getting married next year and I am both happy for him and feeling a bit sorry for myself. I am 3 years older than him, without any relationship, without any money and without any looks in order to change my situation. I am not in any way feeling depressed for myself but I am curious as to why most females wants to have a perfect man? Isn't it true that everyone in this world aren't perfect? Then why in the world am I looking for the perfect women? Perhaps all humans are like that, ever critising, ever wanting something better. I did too and am now feeling lonely because of this. I think if given a chance and if I could turn back the clock, things would be so much different now. I don't know if the turn of events are for the better, but as far as I am concern, it isn't, at least for now. I have yet to write the email and lots of things that I want to express in that email to her is clogging up my mind. I want to write the perfect email to her but as it is I haven't had the opportunity to put my thoughts to paper or err on keyboard.
I wonder if after writing her the mail, would she snicker and send me some vulgar profanities? I hope she won't but knowning her for so long I am unsure about that. Maybe in her, the love is actually being filled with hatred already but for the most of my part, it is still the same, I still loved her. I reckon the meeting that I am setting up is my way of heading towards forgetting her. I know I am immature when I am doing this, but the truth is I am unable to overcome this relationship as easily as she had. Among the so many girlfriends that I had, she is by far the one that I loved the most! Sickening isn't it? I know, I am also repulsed with what I am saying and this too when I am the one that actually wanted out. I reckon I had taken so long to realise this and this is not merely because I'm lonely, but in reality I actually do really loved her. It sucks I know and I also reckon whatever I am trying now will be useless. Nonetheless I will stick to my original plan to meet up with her, half expecting her not to turn up.
On a different note, I have been invited to attend a conference this Saturday in one of the resort near the capital city. I am looking forward to this short break of a days rest in the resort, it would hopefully rejuvenate me somewhat. I remembered that last time everytime I attended any course, she will be by my side and we would enjoy the facilities in the said resort. I probably miss her more now when I am going to attend the course alone. I think I would start writing the email to her and will only send to her a few days later. I hope and pray that she will be able to make it to the meeting.
Work is the same, day in day out with more or less consistent number of patients. I had a drug salesman that came to visit me and asked me to help regarding some small medical ailments. He twisted his back and wanted a day off. I issued him sick leave and we ended up having some small talk. He is 32 and a part time model. He is a bit beefed up in my opinion and is tall, handsome and has a pretty cheerful personality. He had just gone for a modelling shoot for a departmental store catalog and for a good 3 hours work, was paid 400 bucks! Not bad for a 3 hour work. Comparatively we as medical doctors will only be paid a mere 30bucks an hour. At times I wonder what is the virtue of studying so hard to be a medical professional? If I have the neccesary looks and physique, I too will have a comfortable income and by that time my resposibilities will be so minimal, hence having less stress. Why wasn't I born with dashing looks, the height and the complexion that women would swoon over with? In reality this is but a mere fantasy as neither I have all the qualities nor even come close to them. I am the exact opposite. Some people have strong physical attributes and is gifted and talented in sports, Roger Federer for example, and he is already made so many millions already!
The drug salesman will be getting married next year and I am both happy for him and feeling a bit sorry for myself. I am 3 years older than him, without any relationship, without any money and without any looks in order to change my situation. I am not in any way feeling depressed for myself but I am curious as to why most females wants to have a perfect man? Isn't it true that everyone in this world aren't perfect? Then why in the world am I looking for the perfect women? Perhaps all humans are like that, ever critising, ever wanting something better. I did too and am now feeling lonely because of this. I think if given a chance and if I could turn back the clock, things would be so much different now. I don't know if the turn of events are for the better, but as far as I am concern, it isn't, at least for now. I have yet to write the email and lots of things that I want to express in that email to her is clogging up my mind. I want to write the perfect email to her but as it is I haven't had the opportunity to put my thoughts to paper or err on keyboard.
I wonder if after writing her the mail, would she snicker and send me some vulgar profanities? I hope she won't but knowning her for so long I am unsure about that. Maybe in her, the love is actually being filled with hatred already but for the most of my part, it is still the same, I still loved her. I reckon the meeting that I am setting up is my way of heading towards forgetting her. I know I am immature when I am doing this, but the truth is I am unable to overcome this relationship as easily as she had. Among the so many girlfriends that I had, she is by far the one that I loved the most! Sickening isn't it? I know, I am also repulsed with what I am saying and this too when I am the one that actually wanted out. I reckon I had taken so long to realise this and this is not merely because I'm lonely, but in reality I actually do really loved her. It sucks I know and I also reckon whatever I am trying now will be useless. Nonetheless I will stick to my original plan to meet up with her, half expecting her not to turn up.
On a different note, I have been invited to attend a conference this Saturday in one of the resort near the capital city. I am looking forward to this short break of a days rest in the resort, it would hopefully rejuvenate me somewhat. I remembered that last time everytime I attended any course, she will be by my side and we would enjoy the facilities in the said resort. I probably miss her more now when I am going to attend the course alone. I think I would start writing the email to her and will only send to her a few days later. I hope and pray that she will be able to make it to the meeting.
posted by mercuri2000 at
10:36 AM
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