8.7.2005
If I am feeling pessimistic yesterday today is the exact opposite. Woke up earlier than expected due to the fact that I've heard an incessant knock on my door. It seems mum is at her "best" yesterday and she had created a mess around the area where we are keeping her. She has passed motion all over the place as well as biting off her urinary tube, not to mention the mattress is shrewn all over the place and the dynamic mat is also filled with holes! My sis has done most of the work and only wanted me to help carry mum on to another mattress so that she can clean the soiled mattress. I reckon it's this that is driving me to the edge. I have to preservere and I know that. Just hope that it's not that tough.
The total tally of confirmed dead in is 37 and the numbers are set to soar even higher when all the people are accounted for. How dreadful things like this is happening. I think humanity is suffering from the complexities of globalisation. The biggest fear is not the number of casualties but the very fact that it can happen anywhere. When is terror going to strike next? Where is it going to strike next? The question is that now everyone is scared. The myth of safety has been shattered forever first by the incident of 911, the train bombing in Madrid and then the bombing in Bali. Tears were welling in my eyes easily when I think of this and of my ex. Perhaps my biggest problem is I am unable to cope with all the stress that its weight is collapsing on to me? I never used to shed tears right until now. I reckon if I am half the man if I am shedding tears? I really miss her. I really miss my girlfriend.
I am pondering whether to send her the email now or wait until the 16th? I am so raring to send it to her now that it's overwhelming my senses. I am loosing this battle with myself. I used to be really gung-ho and stoic when I wanted out but now I reckon I am gradually turning into a wuss. It is undeniable that I really really love her. I wonder if she knows that? I wonder why did I arrive at that decision the last time, perhaps I was forced into a corner when she become unreasonable and started calling me so many times. I guess I must have lost it! I always thought that my temper would get the better with age, but by the looks of things it hasn't and I have reflexly lashed out at her. I am sorry for being like that. I am sorry for not being able to control my temper. I hope I can make it up to her.
I think I have more or less decided to go ahead with sending her the email. I am prepared for the consequences and I really pray to god that she will take some time to reconsider what I have to say. It's funny when u look at the sequence of events retrospectively. It all happen when she started calling me so many times while I was watching a movie "Seoul Riders" during CNY. I didn't hear it as I was so engrossed with the movie and I always leave my mobile on "silent" mode. I was rather pissed when I saw the number of missed calls. Naturally I lost my cool, one things leads to another and it escalated from there. I reckon all these are pretty trivial stuffs but I reckon should be a benchmark in our love for each other. I always belief that if both parties love each other, whatever differences and problems can be worked out. I am willing in my part to change and I just pray and hope that she is able to accept and work things out.
Today the patient numbers are not bad, have seen around 20 patient. If the clinic continues to be like this, I can and will be able to cut down my timings and be able to spend more time with my loved ones. I hope this can be a good begining. I will have to attend a conference come saturday and I am begining to miss my ex's presence. I don't think I am able to get her off my system by tomorrow, Oh how I miss her so.
Tonight's a friday and I am planning to buy a sixpack and then drink on my own. I want some company but I am sure that there are none to accompany me. It's times like this that I feel the most awkward, but as it is, I need to soldier on. Tomorrow is another challenging day ahead.
The total tally of confirmed dead in is 37 and the numbers are set to soar even higher when all the people are accounted for. How dreadful things like this is happening. I think humanity is suffering from the complexities of globalisation. The biggest fear is not the number of casualties but the very fact that it can happen anywhere. When is terror going to strike next? Where is it going to strike next? The question is that now everyone is scared. The myth of safety has been shattered forever first by the incident of 911, the train bombing in Madrid and then the bombing in Bali. Tears were welling in my eyes easily when I think of this and of my ex. Perhaps my biggest problem is I am unable to cope with all the stress that its weight is collapsing on to me? I never used to shed tears right until now. I reckon if I am half the man if I am shedding tears? I really miss her. I really miss my girlfriend.
I am pondering whether to send her the email now or wait until the 16th? I am so raring to send it to her now that it's overwhelming my senses. I am loosing this battle with myself. I used to be really gung-ho and stoic when I wanted out but now I reckon I am gradually turning into a wuss. It is undeniable that I really really love her. I wonder if she knows that? I wonder why did I arrive at that decision the last time, perhaps I was forced into a corner when she become unreasonable and started calling me so many times. I guess I must have lost it! I always thought that my temper would get the better with age, but by the looks of things it hasn't and I have reflexly lashed out at her. I am sorry for being like that. I am sorry for not being able to control my temper. I hope I can make it up to her.
I think I have more or less decided to go ahead with sending her the email. I am prepared for the consequences and I really pray to god that she will take some time to reconsider what I have to say. It's funny when u look at the sequence of events retrospectively. It all happen when she started calling me so many times while I was watching a movie "Seoul Riders" during CNY. I didn't hear it as I was so engrossed with the movie and I always leave my mobile on "silent" mode. I was rather pissed when I saw the number of missed calls. Naturally I lost my cool, one things leads to another and it escalated from there. I reckon all these are pretty trivial stuffs but I reckon should be a benchmark in our love for each other. I always belief that if both parties love each other, whatever differences and problems can be worked out. I am willing in my part to change and I just pray and hope that she is able to accept and work things out.
Today the patient numbers are not bad, have seen around 20 patient. If the clinic continues to be like this, I can and will be able to cut down my timings and be able to spend more time with my loved ones. I hope this can be a good begining. I will have to attend a conference come saturday and I am begining to miss my ex's presence. I don't think I am able to get her off my system by tomorrow, Oh how I miss her so.
Tonight's a friday and I am planning to buy a sixpack and then drink on my own. I want some company but I am sure that there are none to accompany me. It's times like this that I feel the most awkward, but as it is, I need to soldier on. Tomorrow is another challenging day ahead.
posted by mercuri2000 at
7:45 PM
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