27.6.2005

Today is a Monday and like any other day the blues comes and goes. I woke up as per usual and started off for work. Business today is pretty bad and things looks to be maintaining over the day. It's tiring having to wait for patients to come, but alas that is what I can and am able to do. Number of patient so far today is less than 10, I wonder if it will continue to be like that? If it is, i would definately feel worst than this.

I wonder why love and hate is so closely wound together? I mean if I wholeheartedly loved someone even if it means having to break off, I would never bear an grudge nor hate the person I love. I wonder what inherent values a person keeps? Does it mean when 2 person that supposedly loved each other cannot be together, the next thing to do is to develop animosity and hate towards each other? I cannot bring myself to do that. Even if my loved ones do something bad to me, I will still love them. I still loved my ex even though she hates me. I think this character seperates us, it defines and delineates our characters. I think a person who acts that way is mentally unstable and totally immature. Well what do I know, I am no psychologist. I read an email today from my ex. She wrote some really horrible things about what I need to do and all those crap as I had tried to reconcile with her. Perhaps I was becoming soft in my stand? I need to be more firm and not even consider the fact that I had erred in coming into that fateful decision a few months ago. In all my neurons, I know that I had made the right choice, but my emotional states and feelings actually make me think that I might have rushed into a decision. But actually her actions basically made me feel better rather than habouring any ill will towards her, It actually cemented my believe and drive the final nail.

I hope years from now, I would look back at this day and laugh my head off as to why I did what I did. Well only time will tell. Perhaps a lesson need to be learnt from this latest setback. All in all, I reckon she is the one that is loosing out. I know for a fact that I had done no wrong towards her and she in turn had done things that IMHO beguile a commited partner in a steady relationship. But those things had passed and I hope I will be able to move on. She perhaps had found another person and is being treated well? I hope and pray that nice things would happen to her. I Would be extremely happy for her as well.

I hope and pray tomorrow would be another day for me, with bright and warm sun basking me in all it's glory. I hope and pray that I would breathe in and out and in turn arm myself to prepare for challenging things ahead of me. I hope and pray life would be much better from now onwards for me and the ones that loves me. I hope and pray that everyone will experience all the good things that I want in life, with me. I hope and pray.