21.7.2005
Today is a thursday, I have survived yet another weekday and it would be a welcome relief from work, work and mor work. I know there is still a friday that I have to be contented with. I think it's like running a very long distance road race like a marathon and I'm just turning into the last corner onto the home stretch. I can feel the anticipation of finer things on the finishing line. At least I would have some amount of rest when it's on the weekend eventhough I still have problems sleeping.
I am writing my blog as it is now instead of waiting for tomorrow. Times have change and perception on what I should do has changed too. I had gone back home and came back after re inserting my mum urinary catheter and it has been jammed pack the way there. Morning has been rather good to me in the sense that I have some patient to distract me and to occupy my time. It's now around 4.30pm and I am waiting for patient. Have been considering about investing in a pub or cafe in a location not too far from my clinic. I reckon I need to overwhelm my time with work and prevent me from languishing in my thoughts. I have to really immerse myself on doing things and having lots of activities to "distract" my memories. I have been fiddling with the probability of doing some F & B business and a pub. I think it's time that I start diversifying so that I will not watse my time and money, hence letting my money work for me, I really need this in order for me to retire by 40. I reckon there are 2 ways of looking at things, I am mentally and physically tired and I am pushing myself to work and earn more, why? The reason being, I want to break out from my ex's shadows. I am still coming to terms with this arrangement that I had made, and it's not easy. I reckon for a 35 year old man, I am a failure when it comes to love.
A good friend also recommend and heartened me to buy some shares, it seems that he knows the CEO pretty well and have some inside information regarding a certain stock. I wanted to get some lots but I am still smarting from my previous so called inside information that I obtained from him. Anyway I don't have much liquid asset to speculate with. I have a lot hanging on the balance and I don't think stock is something that I have a lot of confidence in. On my backup scheme of things are property investments, F & B business, and maybe if I have surplus cash I would consider opening another clinic. But it will be a logistical nightmare, too much is hanging on the balance here. In the pipeline I am also planning to change my car, into something more chic and flashy, I am considering getting myself a cabriolet and it would be really nice and cool to be able to zip around in one. I reckon I am trying to break out from my "boring, monotonous" lifestyle. I want to break free!!
Am I still thinking about my ex. As a matter of fact I am still. What the bloody heck is wrong with me? I am unsure as to what is. Everything and everywhere I turn there is bound to have something that reminds me of her. I have since focus the problem into myself. I now think that everything is MY fault! Which I know is not right, but am feeling like that, perhaps this is what is known as a delusional metaphor? I am sure that there was something wrong with this relationship and I was actually trying to make things work albeit trying a bit too hard, but if it doesn't work why still am I feeling gloomy? She has moved on and when a scenario of something bad that is happening to her pop into my mind, I will feel extra miserable. I felt that I have an obligation to see her through happiness and I have failed to provide this to her. Why? I think I had been unable to gratify all her desires and this has ultimately leads to our fallout.
I am suffering from some medical illness lately, I am having skin lesions as well as other aches and pains. I reckon it's because of my stress level which has been enormous. I am physically and mentally very tired, more so for the latter. I have never had any skin problems before and this has been turning the living hell for me. I have generally atrophic dermatitis or discoid eczema and this has made my skin to have spot and lesions all over. I have tried medication but all seems futile. Even I have cold sores which I never used to get last time. Perhaps my body resistance is getting downhill? Has it got to do with my ex? I had gone to the extend to check my blood and everything seems to be fine apart from having some high cholesterol as well as some jaundice. Also a raised ESR which could be anything. I might have stressed induced problems. Luckily my retroviral status is normal.
I wonder how is my ex doing? It never cease to intrigue me and to wonder how exactly is she doing and what is she up to? I presume she is happy now with having so much people? or attention towards her every need. I reckon I didn't and couldn't provide this fundamental thing to her the last time when she was with me. It never fails to make me feel more dreadful about things when I think of how when we were together and what has happen now.
I am writing my blog as it is now instead of waiting for tomorrow. Times have change and perception on what I should do has changed too. I had gone back home and came back after re inserting my mum urinary catheter and it has been jammed pack the way there. Morning has been rather good to me in the sense that I have some patient to distract me and to occupy my time. It's now around 4.30pm and I am waiting for patient. Have been considering about investing in a pub or cafe in a location not too far from my clinic. I reckon I need to overwhelm my time with work and prevent me from languishing in my thoughts. I have to really immerse myself on doing things and having lots of activities to "distract" my memories. I have been fiddling with the probability of doing some F & B business and a pub. I think it's time that I start diversifying so that I will not watse my time and money, hence letting my money work for me, I really need this in order for me to retire by 40. I reckon there are 2 ways of looking at things, I am mentally and physically tired and I am pushing myself to work and earn more, why? The reason being, I want to break out from my ex's shadows. I am still coming to terms with this arrangement that I had made, and it's not easy. I reckon for a 35 year old man, I am a failure when it comes to love.
A good friend also recommend and heartened me to buy some shares, it seems that he knows the CEO pretty well and have some inside information regarding a certain stock. I wanted to get some lots but I am still smarting from my previous so called inside information that I obtained from him. Anyway I don't have much liquid asset to speculate with. I have a lot hanging on the balance and I don't think stock is something that I have a lot of confidence in. On my backup scheme of things are property investments, F & B business, and maybe if I have surplus cash I would consider opening another clinic. But it will be a logistical nightmare, too much is hanging on the balance here. In the pipeline I am also planning to change my car, into something more chic and flashy, I am considering getting myself a cabriolet and it would be really nice and cool to be able to zip around in one. I reckon I am trying to break out from my "boring, monotonous" lifestyle. I want to break free!!
Am I still thinking about my ex. As a matter of fact I am still. What the bloody heck is wrong with me? I am unsure as to what is. Everything and everywhere I turn there is bound to have something that reminds me of her. I have since focus the problem into myself. I now think that everything is MY fault! Which I know is not right, but am feeling like that, perhaps this is what is known as a delusional metaphor? I am sure that there was something wrong with this relationship and I was actually trying to make things work albeit trying a bit too hard, but if it doesn't work why still am I feeling gloomy? She has moved on and when a scenario of something bad that is happening to her pop into my mind, I will feel extra miserable. I felt that I have an obligation to see her through happiness and I have failed to provide this to her. Why? I think I had been unable to gratify all her desires and this has ultimately leads to our fallout.
I am suffering from some medical illness lately, I am having skin lesions as well as other aches and pains. I reckon it's because of my stress level which has been enormous. I am physically and mentally very tired, more so for the latter. I have never had any skin problems before and this has been turning the living hell for me. I have generally atrophic dermatitis or discoid eczema and this has made my skin to have spot and lesions all over. I have tried medication but all seems futile. Even I have cold sores which I never used to get last time. Perhaps my body resistance is getting downhill? Has it got to do with my ex? I had gone to the extend to check my blood and everything seems to be fine apart from having some high cholesterol as well as some jaundice. Also a raised ESR which could be anything. I might have stressed induced problems. Luckily my retroviral status is normal.
I wonder how is my ex doing? It never cease to intrigue me and to wonder how exactly is she doing and what is she up to? I presume she is happy now with having so much people? or attention towards her every need. I reckon I didn't and couldn't provide this fundamental thing to her the last time when she was with me. It never fails to make me feel more dreadful about things when I think of how when we were together and what has happen now.
posted by mercuri2000 at
4:27 PM
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