13.7.2005
Today is the wednesday, 13th day of the seventh month. What am I doing writing something over at this blog when I know none will be reading? Well it's grouses most of the time and basically most of the blog is written with some depressed ideas, some negativity, and almost every post is filled with stories about what happen to me between my ex and what is happening to me now. It's monotonous as well as doesn't contain any real substance. So is it really doing me any good writing? The only thing that I can console myself into saying this is that it only helped me by wasting my time and expanding my fantasies about my ex. So had it really helped? I am also unsure of the following question. Has it achieve the objective of making me feel better? I reckon it haven't as I am still feeling as miserable as hell.
So what is blogging actually doing to me? I reckon as usual it's a "fix" that I need to have daily, making this into an axis of Caffeine, Daily Newspapers and blogging. According to Bush Jr, the axis of evil is formed by "Iran, North Korea, and Syria" but as I see it, it's formed by "coffee, papers and blog"! I saw a documentary a few nights before regarding a hospital in China offering treatment to cure people suffering from addiction to the internet, the so called "net surfers" or in my terminology, "nett sufferers"! I am begining to suspect that I might be turning into one of them, when that happens, I don't know how to even react. I wonder this is the legacy of my ex? I'm never the type that chat for long hours on the net and surf the net for reading materials but lately I have been online most of the time, writing on my blog and hoping that it would do it's job of lightening me up a bit. Hmm, reckon it's failed to do it's job.
Anyway am trying to force myself to not think about my ex anymore than I already should. I reckon she have been in my mind the a big portion of time and it's taking it's toll on my wellbeing. Why must I suffer anymore since she doesn't want to even consider about our relationship? I reckon men needs to be ill treated in order to realise that they had it great. In other words we need to be constantly reminded about how good a life we have by having a contrasting and bad experience and being treated like shit at times! But seriously I have been through hell as I suspect that she had been when I broke off with her initially but now might be enjoying herself with another different guy? I hope not but it keeps popping into my mind and it hurts like hell. What can I do? I have done and exhausted all my avenues and my options. My last hope is that she will turn out to meet me on the 29th. I think that is what is in my mind. I am not confident that she will come though but we'll see, it'll be 15 more days and counting. She haven't been accessing her emails and the net. I wonder where is she? perhaps on a holiday somewhere? Curiosity killed the cat err man in this sense.
So what is blogging actually doing to me? I reckon as usual it's a "fix" that I need to have daily, making this into an axis of Caffeine, Daily Newspapers and blogging. According to Bush Jr, the axis of evil is formed by "Iran, North Korea, and Syria" but as I see it, it's formed by "coffee, papers and blog"! I saw a documentary a few nights before regarding a hospital in China offering treatment to cure people suffering from addiction to the internet, the so called "net surfers" or in my terminology, "nett sufferers"! I am begining to suspect that I might be turning into one of them, when that happens, I don't know how to even react. I wonder this is the legacy of my ex? I'm never the type that chat for long hours on the net and surf the net for reading materials but lately I have been online most of the time, writing on my blog and hoping that it would do it's job of lightening me up a bit. Hmm, reckon it's failed to do it's job.
Anyway am trying to force myself to not think about my ex anymore than I already should. I reckon she have been in my mind the a big portion of time and it's taking it's toll on my wellbeing. Why must I suffer anymore since she doesn't want to even consider about our relationship? I reckon men needs to be ill treated in order to realise that they had it great. In other words we need to be constantly reminded about how good a life we have by having a contrasting and bad experience and being treated like shit at times! But seriously I have been through hell as I suspect that she had been when I broke off with her initially but now might be enjoying herself with another different guy? I hope not but it keeps popping into my mind and it hurts like hell. What can I do? I have done and exhausted all my avenues and my options. My last hope is that she will turn out to meet me on the 29th. I think that is what is in my mind. I am not confident that she will come though but we'll see, it'll be 15 more days and counting. She haven't been accessing her emails and the net. I wonder where is she? perhaps on a holiday somewhere? Curiosity killed the cat err man in this sense.
posted by mercuri2000 at
5:13 PM
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