Drained

What am I writing today? I am not sure, I don't even have a title for this latest post of mine, should I write something about what I feel? Or should I write something that has no bearing to what I am thinking and feeling now? What should I write? Sometimes I reckon I am perplexed as to what to put down in this blog of mine, why blog when I have so much musings on my mind but is unable to put it into proper words and sentences? I think perhaps I should write something that when I read back in future, I will feel the same exact feeling that I am feeling now, hmm, wouldn't that be great?

I think most of the time, it's true that people moves and do things wearing a mask, I reckon in this aspect I can be considered normal, whenever I'm with friends and family I wear a set of mask, and with my patients another set. Who is the actual me? I reckon I have covered myself in so many layers of fabric that even I am not that sure. What should I do? My interests and my life has been so compromised with having to please everyone that I've actually lost all bearings. I reckon I am tired being someone's shoulder to cry on, someone's sounding board of sorrows, somebody's good confidante and someone who other people can depend on. For a change I reckon I should be the one that is the weaker one, the person who needs a shoulder to cry on, a person that needs a counterpart to listen to my grouses for a change and not always the level headed and the one that other people can rely on?

I am stressed and tired, not physically but mentally. I am drained, emotionally and spiritually. I have been working on and on and on for so long, having to rely on myself to make a living, I haven't any help, any assistance, anyone to actually pat me in the back for a job well done. I am not asking for help or anything, but for the sheer aburdity of wanting someone to share and reassure me that whatever I am doing is right and to give me the moral strenght to continue with what I am doing; a pat on the back for a job well done. I reckon it's time I burden other people with my grouses and sorrows rather than receiving it unconditionally. It goes both ways and I surmise, its my time to unload!