Bad day

Have you ever waken up in the middle of the night, and it's cold and raining and feel that everything is just not right and you'll not able to pinpoint what exactly is wrong? And you try and try and try to get back to sleep, but you just can't? The feeling is insistent and it's feels like being in a stupor and a semiconsious state? Well it has happen and is still happening to me, actually for the most part of this year, and well the feeling that things aren't going well just got a little worse.

I woke up to the tune of Daniel Powter's "Bad Day" and boy, he couldn't be right smack on target. I reckon the song actually hit a raw nerve and have an impact on me. As it is, it's noticibly is going to be a bad day; yup, no questions about that. There are times when nothing seems to be going right, from waking up from the wrong side of the bed to being caught in a jam which ordinarily doesn't even warrant a batterof a wink of response. The coffee felt cold, devoid of any "kick" and the breakfast tasted stale and non appetizing. The pass few days seems to be and amplified version of a bad day, patients are scarce and few, my place is undergoing renovation which contributes to the amount of din that is filling up my room, the inccesant knocking and hammering actually compounded the feeling of tatselessness and despair. But nothing, nothing makes it even worst than what is currently playing prominence in my mind.

What exactly is wrong? Sincerely I cannot pinpoint anything, but I reckon it's a culmination of a few things that is continously bugging me. The fact is that mum is dying, which makes everything even less appealing, and this is something that I am trying very, very hard to postpone but at the end it's inevitable that she will passed on. I will then be a an orphan, it sounds rediculous and I reckon silly, but seriously it's how I'll feel when she eventually moves on. I have lost my dad when I was 13 and I am going to loose my mum. Boy! I wonder what makes it a bad day even worst? Arrangements have been made for my brother to come back from Perth and it's essential that I made it possible for him to at least see her for the last time. I am trying my best, shuttling to and fro from my clinic and home to check out on her. I surmise, somehow and sometimes we probably need to relent and let mum go in peace. I think as she is suffering now, being so thin and emanciated, it's prudent to let nature takes it own course. Anyway knowing mum, she'll not want us to frown and be unhappy for her, a truly great woman.

Oh well, what makes a bad day worst? I reckon with the amount of shit that is happening to me, I am invaribly a choice candidate for the mental assylum, but nay, I will soldier on, I made a promise to my dad to soldier on and eventually be a Doctor and now I have made a promise to mum to soldier on to be a better person. I am doing this for I know she has faith in me. I am doing this as I know being mum's flesh and blood, I have the inherrent fighting spirit that she passes on to me, and for this I salute you mother! I will definately not let anything make my day bad, this I promise you.