Waking Up

After reading this exceptionally heart rendering story in a new blog that I had the priviledge of being invited into, I felt compelled to write something about it.

My initial feeling after reading this entry was it's pretty similar to something I've read from my younger days in article filled Reader's Digest. But seriously this article is nothing short of the bookazine's standard. I think comparatively my narrative skills pale considerably and lack the neccesary ingredients that is able to "tug" a person heart. I felt an article like that doesn't need any exceptionally verbose vocabulary. I need to give it a big hand to that person who wrote that piece and I am in no where near her standards. Kudos. A big hand.

Well, I was touched, I had in my capacity of being a caregiver, seen my fair share of heart wrenching episodes that can actually fill a novella of short stories. The experiences that I have had over the past few years as a doctor has actually made me less sympathetic and more cynical to the sufferings of my fellow humans. I have seen so many things that actually make me want to cry out but NO, I am expected to have a strict and professional approach to my job. My patients are no longer humans with feelings to me, I am trained to take them as a problem and the problems needs to be rectified. I felt wooden and I need to put on a masks whereever I go when I was in the goverment service. I cannot be too close to the patient for fear of being labelled "unprofessional", I cannot be friendly towards my patients for fear of being sucked into a emotional vacumn when something does happen to them. Who am I then? An android that is devoid of any emotions and merely a machine to heal a sick person?

There have been instances that I was practically begged on both knees by a patient's family member for me to safe a terminally ill patient. I was so touched not to mention taken aback by this and I hadn't the heart to tell her that her husband is beyond help. I can't cry, I can't say anything apart from keeping quiet and mumbling the words, "I'm sorry but we did the best we could". If it was the real me that instance, I would have cried or least shed a few tears.

I reckon I have been wearing a veil for a long time and perhaps the article that I've just read actually jolt me back to what I used to be? A chap who is made up of flesh and blood.