What a Day

I think I might really believe that this year is going to a bad year if the first few days of the Dog year is a prelude of what is to come. As in my previous posts, this particular investments is still haemorrhaging, this time it has lost half of it's value. This is definately something to be concerned about and I am really contemplating whether to cut my losses and cash out whatever is left? I am still in deep thoughts. Apart from the bad news in the share market, I also had in these pass few days some really obnoxious and inappropriate females that pinged me to chat, in the ICQ.

I wonder why is there so many people like these around? making and poking fun of other people's misfortune just for self satisfaction. I mean if I am not mistaken, gratification obtained in expense of people's miseries are terms Sadism right? I am as curious as I cannot understand what makes these people tick. It's really pitiable that humans can stoop down so low to the extend of poking fun at vulnerable people, it's like kicking a person after the person had fall down. I am chilling and I am not angry, just sad, sad that people generally lack empathy and compassion.

I might have made enemies lately. I don't actually give a damn what other people think about me. I will never minch my words when I know someone is making use of me, poking fun at me and I will see to it that they know. No names but really it's irritating, at least I think it is. Some might not agree. I find it tiresome to explain and reexplain what I feel. It's difficult that people see me with "coloured" lenses prefering to have a preconception about how I do, how I manage my clinic and how I manage my investment portfolio. I have been labelled "rude" and what not, the state that I had made earlier being what that has stucked in my mind. I reckon being straightforward is something that is a bad thing. My statements can be misconstrued into mocking a person, making fun and what not. I reckon what I know, I will keep it to my self, what I feel I would keep it to myself, what I think I would keep it to myself and what I sense I would also keep to myself. Best thing is to not volunteer any information, not volunteer any advice, not teach, not even say what you think is best. Yup bitterness is part of the human legacy. I am bitter, thoroughly.

I might sound unhappy, in essence I am not unhappy, I am neither happy, just probably I am numb. I reckon I will be numb even when whatever I have is gone. Nothing actually makes me unhappy as I guess the China trip made me realise something. This cannot be explained and I am more patient, and I also don't want to argue with person when a person is so fixated on an idea, some might argue I have a fixated idea as well. I reckon I have, but the bottomline is that I am tired. very tired.

Anyway I am contemplating whether to continue writing anything in the blog. I have been thinking of deleting it, and it has been on my mind for a very long time. Some of the blogs that I used to read has also been removed. This is by no means destructive, I think I have acheived what I set out to do when I started this blog, I have moved on from my problems and now it's hopefully on to better things. I also had started deleting my contacts on my msn yahoo messenger, even in ICQs. I guess the next thing to do is to delete my profiles in Match.com, ahmoi and friendster. Heck even my handphones are being updated, deleting contacts numbers that I never call or receive any calls from. Sounds like I am retreating into a shell? I think I am not. I am just washing myself clean.