20.6.2005
I'm new to blogging and I am wondering if it's appropriate to write my thought and feeling here? I reckon this is the place where I can type my mind and feelings away without anyone knowing who I am and what I do. I am a medical doctor and life have been tough! I just recently broke off with my girl and it has been paining me ever since. Its been more than 5 months since that faithful day and I am currently wondering whatever I decide is right? Have I been too emotionally charged and made an error of judgement? I felt bad when i was in the relationship but if what I did is right, how come I am feeling even more miserable now?
It's more than a year since I started out on private practice, just last Saturday I met an old med school mate and he told me that he has already passed his Masters and it sort of tugged at my heart a bit. I begin to wonder at the age of 34, what have I acheived so far? True, I am a professional, with my own practice albeit not doing very well, but I am by far better than a lot of people, I look backwards and think why at my age am I still alone? Shouldn't I be married with kids? I feel positively ancient! feeling so lonely ala the song from Akon?
Am I in any way abnormal? I work 14 hour a day, without any financial rewards, why am I still at it. I am as confused as to why?
I think the pressure of the breakup coupled with the fact that my business is not performing, is actually burdening me. Added with the fact that mum is gravely ill. How much bad things can happen to one person in a lifetime? Mum is beyond any medical intervention. If instinct proves right, she has only months to live. I am sad, I am a doctor and yet I cannot offer anything for her.
Today I have around 16 patient, far shy from what is expected from an establish clinic, maybe a few years down the line, it will be more! But the question is that can I wait so long?
I always ask myself, if I love her why did I break off with my girl? she's young, very pretty and attractive. What else am I complaining about anyway? the fact is that, she is very possesive, very bossy and difficult to please. I had tried tolerating her flirting and "friendliness" but I think it's something that I need to learn to accept. Anyway is it too late now?
It's more than a year since I started out on private practice, just last Saturday I met an old med school mate and he told me that he has already passed his Masters and it sort of tugged at my heart a bit. I begin to wonder at the age of 34, what have I acheived so far? True, I am a professional, with my own practice albeit not doing very well, but I am by far better than a lot of people, I look backwards and think why at my age am I still alone? Shouldn't I be married with kids? I feel positively ancient! feeling so lonely ala the song from Akon?
Am I in any way abnormal? I work 14 hour a day, without any financial rewards, why am I still at it. I am as confused as to why?
I think the pressure of the breakup coupled with the fact that my business is not performing, is actually burdening me. Added with the fact that mum is gravely ill. How much bad things can happen to one person in a lifetime? Mum is beyond any medical intervention. If instinct proves right, she has only months to live. I am sad, I am a doctor and yet I cannot offer anything for her.
Today I have around 16 patient, far shy from what is expected from an establish clinic, maybe a few years down the line, it will be more! But the question is that can I wait so long?
I always ask myself, if I love her why did I break off with my girl? she's young, very pretty and attractive. What else am I complaining about anyway? the fact is that, she is very possesive, very bossy and difficult to please. I had tried tolerating her flirting and "friendliness" but I think it's something that I need to learn to accept. Anyway is it too late now?
posted by mercuri2000 at
11:52 AM
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